I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
