Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
