this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
