Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
