i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
