Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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