I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
