I could make wine with my vomit
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
