I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
