you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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