Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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