He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
