So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need moral support for this bender
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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