if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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