Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
