remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
