Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
