So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
