im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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