Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?