I hate your face
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.