Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US