I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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