my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.