So drunk its hurt
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
