It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
