my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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