Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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