You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
