I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
