I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
