My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
