you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
