After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
