You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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