I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
