Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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