I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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