Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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