I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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