Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
