my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
