I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
