I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
