dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
