I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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