I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
