Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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