nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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