I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
