still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
