how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
