Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
