Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
