Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
