I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do herpes really smell.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
