something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
