Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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