Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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