Sry I called you an 8
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
