she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
