toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
