We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
two words: eviction party
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
