Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
