Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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