I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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