I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
