i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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