Don't make out with my wife yet
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.