I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here