He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
