What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.