i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I will pee on everything he values.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?