The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't shave. On purpose
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?