He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
