OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
