didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
