He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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