how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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