What did we do last night that was yellow?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
