Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
