i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
