your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
