Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
