Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
