it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
