I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
as a side note pls kill me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
